This is Part 2 of a blog series started with This Can’t Happen To Me
Let me continue:
I spent 4 days in ICU. It was not a pleasant experience being wired to a heart monitor, receiving an IV drip with two antibiotics, having additional blood pressure drugs fed to me around the clock, and having my blood drawn every 4 hours. In addition, there was constant physical examination and regular EKG scans.
Emotionally and spiritually, I could not ground. It was like being in suspended animation – neither here nor there. The room felt freezing cold – and no matter what I did, it was hard to stay warm.
I was told by the cardiologist that I needed a heart catheterization, and the kidney specialist wanted me to start renal dialysis – both required me to be transferred to a larger medical center, which I refused finding out that my kidneys were still functioning (though at a low level). It was stated that the dye used in the heart catheterization would surely kill my kidneys. This, by the way, happened to my beloved’s father many years ago. So, you know that she wasn’t pleased about this.
So, we were discharged within two days, only to return to the ER three days later with an allergic reaction to medication prescribed which caused my feet, legs and thighs to swell up like balloons. A strong diuretic medication was administered, and I was discharged two days later after the swelling went down.
The diuretic produced “bladder spasm” which was discovered later. This caused urination delay – interrupting the signal between the brain and the bladder. While the discontinued antibiotic medication had created a big black area on my tongue.
Here’s The Paradox
Now, you may ask:
- Why did all of this happen to you?
- You are an alternative medicine practitioner – so what’s up?
- Why could you not prevent this?
- Why could you not heal yourself?
Physician Heal Thyself!
Please note that healers are not exempt from illness and health challenges. We are human like everybody else. While it behooves us to be connected to “our source” of healing energy, this does not guarantee that while we use our gifts and abilities to help others – that we will also will be spared or protected from illness and challenging traumatic circumstances.
Many years ago the late Morton Kelsey explored this dilemma and paradox in his book The Wounded Healer – highlighting how those who suffer are often used as miraculous agents of healing and wholeness for others.
It was even said of Jesus on his visit back to his home of Nazareth, that the mighty miraculous works displayed at Capernaum – he could not perform at home. In addition, accounts of his crucifixion report that onlookers stated “that he saved others, but he cannot save himself”.
Many times the greater cause forfeits the well-being of the healer. This is no easy matter to decide.
The fact that the physician cannot always heal his/herself, is not a contradiction – but a reality that there are other factors at work, and many of them a mystery!
Sometimes suffering has a redemptive quality for the healer. It takes the him/her deep into the heart of compassion – undergoing an initiation from which the healer emerges anew with insight, understanding, patience, commitment and additional tools for the work ahead.
—- End of Part 2 —-